Archive for August 2009

The moment

August 1, 2009

It’s early morning, but I’ve been up for a while. Long rough night with a baby who is either teething or going through a growth spurt or perhaps, both. I was supposed to sleep in but couldn’t manage to do it.

So I sit in my new leather armchair in the living room, my feet up in the recline position, my laptop across my legs and ontop of that is my choc-qua blanket. Outside a lovely steady rain falls, and on the tv plays Countdown not with Keith Olbermann. I am reading Yarnharlot archives, and a site about customers who are insane, and I knit.

I have been quiet again, I tend to do that and I know it and try not to but I can’t help it. This time I have knit. The blanket is growing under my fingers, each stitch layering on the last and each color playing with the surrounding ones. I knit and I think. My family is surrounded by pain and fear lately. I am heading out in a few weeks to go back east to..I don’t know begin a process. I hope it will be a good one with a good ending, but at the same time I fear that it will not be. I fear that I will be going back more and more to watch someone I love disappear slowly over time. But not slowly enough. Never slowly enough.

My step mother is very sick. I want to write more but it is a combination of making it real by writing it down, and giving information that is not mine that stops me. It is enough to say…that she is very sick and the outlook is scary right now. My family is still nursing the wounds of loosing my grandmother. Every day I think about her, every day I wish I could call her and talk to her. My father has not even gone a year without her and now he is facing this..alone.

I miss my Grandmother so much in this moment it is breath taking.

So I knit. I work on the blanket, I plan another. I work on the socks, I plan more. I knit and I take care of the children. I think, I plan for vacation. I knit.

I will try to write more, but I can not make promises.

However, here is what I knit.

The progress of the blanket

The progress of the blanket

Even if we are not going to the beach, the socks are here.

Even if we are not going to the beach, the socks are here.

Look whos sitting up!

Look who's sitting up!