Archive for July 2009

Heat stroke.

July 8, 2009

Well not really but lord is it ever hot out there. I mean it’s crazy hot, it’s scary hot, it’s got some issues hot.

It’s been another long day and now the boys (well some of them, the littlest who might kick my ass if he’s strapped into a car seat) are in a car getting an important piece of gaming equipment to make things -work- and then? then let the Wii begin. We’ve had it for a while, but caught wind of a good sale and finally procured poor Hunter some games that wouldn’t make him frustrated and angry. At least I hope they won’t. I’m getting very tired of having to sit there and try to figure something out for him.

Before all of you get up in arms, he does play a game every day, but not all day. He gets 2 hours a day to play whatever game he wants to. Lately it’s been Lego Batman/Starwars/Indiana Jones. In the school year he only gets to play a game on weekends (friday-sunday) IF he has gotten all good marks. Otherwise he is not allowed to touch it.

So yes, my son plays video games, but he is not..you know an all day brain rotting out of his ears gamer.

I am not sure why it is that I feel I need to justify or defend my parenting choices here, or even why I believe anyone who reads this thing -cares- about the details. I feel like there is a level of scrutiny going on. I need to get past it because honestly I can’t even care this much about other blogs.

The day in the pool was great, one of those moments where the love of Gabe for Hunter was so visible you could taste it. Hunter was tracked intently, he was mimicked and he was splashed and squealed at and babbled to. Gabe calmed with him, actually had a good time in the water with him. As we drove endless errands around the city, in the back of the car was a near constant coo fest Hunter mimicking Gabe’s trills for a happy and excited Gabe who was only over joyed to make more of those noises for him. In the stores, Gabe would light up when Hunter would push his face into the carrier and the two of them would trill and tribble and squeal at each other.

Gabe absolutely -loves- Hunter. With an unending  unconditional love that sometimes makes me feel a little jealous of him. Hunter can do no wrong. Hunter can get him in the water, Hunter can make him eat food, Hunter can make him smile and tolerate diaper changes. Hunter can stop a fuss in mid squall and the two of them have a secret language they goo and gaa at each other with.

It is the reason I had another child, it is one more reason that I am breathless of with love for this baby. How he made our family so much -more- how he filled a hole I didn’t even know was there. Hunter needed a brother, someone that thought he was the coolest thing in the whole world. I needed a happy giggling baby of joy, one who puppy body wiggles when he sees me..who flings himself into my chest open mouth and grabs my face to slobber across my nose with baby kisses. Loren needed someone who shrieks with laughter when he makes monster noises and who sits on his lap furiously gumming his fingers while he plays WoW. We needed Gabriel. We just didn’t know we did.

Look at that brotherly love.

Look at that brotherly love.

How precious they are.

How precious they are.

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If I can’t change your mind

July 7, 2009

So it’s not precisely ‘early’ but it isn’t late either and that’s an improvement. I am slugging my way through the afternoon, the morning was a whirlwind of activity and swimming with babies and boys. Right now we are all dragging tush. Baby thrashing happily and cheerfully in his bouncer, swinging up and down easily and crowing his accomplishments. The big one is in the kitchen carefully playing a lego game on the xbox and I am pecking out words slowly and carefully as I try to keep awake and focus on something.

I should be knitting, my hands want to work the stitches and make something happen, but there are other things pressing on me, the fact the baby might not be so happy in a moment the thought that tonight when dinner is being made, and baths being drawn, and books being read I will not have the energy or inclination to writhe and I am glad that I am writing, I am struggling to find my voice, to figure out where it is..and what it is I want to write about or go to. I could write about today, about how it made me glad to be a mother, my arms around the little baby that has stolen my heart as the big brother he loves and adores taught him that the big cool pool wasn’t scary and unfun. I could write about the curl of kittens in a box at the foot of the crib, babies near babies and how this morning I took Gabe from his crib before he was awake and brought him to me in bed and we laid there, with a sleeping Daddy and snuggled and yawned and woke up carefully and when we were truly awake and smiling and squirming with joy to meet the new day I brought over a small baby kitten and he reached up a pudgy dimpled hand to touch gently. I could write about how having two children is more than I thought it could be and how it stretched my heart, my patience and my joy.

I could write about how I am tired of Palin and the noise she generates for doing things that are not honorable nor honest. I could write about Michael Jackson, how I have his memoral on with the sound off and instead of listening to people talk about him and what is going on. I am listening to the love song mix of someone else and musing on the universal adoration of Jack Johnson from 3 year olds to 30 year olds.

I could write about feminism and how it’s been sitting in my head and heart lately, an uncomfortable twisting of startling awareness and exhaustion. A fight that I am too tired to begin and too old not to. I voted this past election for the first time in my entire adult life I am ashamed to say and it seem to have been the opening of a flood gates. I need to vote. I need to do more. I could write about that, the conversations, arguments and discussions I have been having. The work of tryin to open people up to the realities of what is going on, trying to shake off the shackles of ‘just take a joke’ and ‘don’t rock the boat.’ But even here somehow I am not sure how far I can go, how much flak I will get and how comfortable I am standing on my own two legs.

I could write about the woes of the new projects, how the socks that I gushed over betrayed me with gauge or how the blanket that seemed a little hard but doable suddenly blossomed into huge massive project that I am going to be working on until I am -dead- people -D.e.a.d-. I could write about the new yarn that shook its tush at me and is calling my name.

I feel unfocused, so much to say and not sure how to make it all come together, how to be coherent and interesting, how to make it relevant and worth reading. So I instead, write about what I could write about and peck out words carefully and slowly while the afternoon drags by and the baby goes from happy squeals to low little murmurs that will soon turn into complaints and my time is drawing to a close. Maybe tomorrow I will have a clear idea of where I am going with it and find a single topic to write about.  And I will put up some more pictures I promise.

Hunter as a newborn. Vintage like.

Hunter as a newborn. Vintage like.

Long, long day

July 6, 2009

I try to write early in the morning. I think it’s something that I should get into more often. However, today has just been incredibly busy and tiring and I haven’t gotten a chance to say or do anything until this moment. It’s a good moment, the house is quiet, the men are off at work or whatever, the boys are in their beds, and I am putting on Keith Olbermann to figure out, with the rest of the country, why Sarah Palin is doing what she’s doing.

Not that I think that Keith or his guests will have a clue, it’s just that I prefer liberal rhetoric to conservative rhetoric.

I don’t talk about politics or issues here a lot, but it seems to be a lie on my part because I am a very political woman becoming more and more interested in issues, I am just not comfortable with posting them here. I read somewhere that you should pick one direction for your blog and stick to it. Motherhood, or Political, or Knitting or what have you. The thing is? I am all those things. I am a mother, who knits and loves to knit, and I am a feminist liberal living in Texas struggling to find my place in a very very red state.

Take this Palin thing, I am not sure at all how to feel about it. It seems to me that the Conservatives are just blindly following her and I am flabbergasted. I as a voter would never elect someone who cut out of their term before it was finished. To me it says that they don’t have the fortitude to handle any real responsibility. I -know- I wouldn’t be cut out to be in a position of power so I don’t run, she obviously isn’t but wants the power and glory for it. I haven’t been a fan of hers…well ever, but even if I am inherently against her in a lot of her political beliefs I am geniunely trying to figure out what the hell she thinks she is doing. What scares me, is not her and her weird running about like a chicken without it’s head on but the blind faith of her followers who just take every crazy move she makes into stride and looks at the rest of us as if to say ‘what? you don’t think that was awesome  too? wtf?’. That sort of willful ignorance and blind faith scares the holy hell out of me. Especially when it’s directed to someone who could have an impact on my life if they were to really get some of the power that they are seemingly after.

So here I am, after an exhausting day being a mother and a knitter (let me ask the knitting gods what the hell I did to offend them and -exactly- what I have to do to make it better, burning alpaca naked under the full moon? what!?) watching the tv listening to talking heads tell me what -they- think about what is going on and tryin to decide if they are just blowing more smoke out of their ass or if they have any real insight. It is nice to see though that the big blogging bruhahaha going over about Shannyn Moore and her threat to be sued by Palin, is making fairly high billing. Then again MSNBC was named in the potential suit so it shouldn’t be -that- big of a surprise.

So! Today was busy. Did I mention that? I had swim lessons with the boy in the morning and the baby after that and then I did the store and library and..the cat had more kittens. I know I know I know..spaying and all that but the little witch is a freaking houdini of sexing and manages to get out of screens and doors with a flick of her tail as I’m calling the clinic to make an appointment. However, I’m waiting until 2 weeks before these babies are supposed to be weaned, going out and getting her snipped. I am -so- done with this.

The swim lessons with the boys were good, Hunter had a new teacher and was..not entirely thrilled with the idea or the process. He wanted his original but he managed to get over it when he realized he could boss around a whole new group of kids. The new teacher is younger if that is possible and he seemed enthusastic. Gabe however was -not- thrilled with this whole process. He was tired, he was cranky he was pissed off about the water and he did not enjoy any little bit of it. I am going to try to bring Hunter into the pool with us tomorrow and see if it makes any difference and that he enjoys any little bit of the water.

Damn this post has gotten away from me. I need to write earlier, I don’t get so rambly in the mornings. Right now though I am going to go take a shower, curl up in bed with a library book and fortify myself for tomorrow, which looks to be another long long day.

Guh

July 5, 2009

I am just..whiped today. I am not sure why I didn’t do much besides staying up until 1am which for me is like, insane. I can remember a time when I would regularly stay up until 3-4 and manuever through life with nary a bit of problem. Now? I am stumbling through life, bleary eyed and yawning, trying to remember what I was doing ten seconds ago.

Couple that with serious gauge issues with the socks that rock and you have a bleary eyed cranky woman who is trying to keep it together and failing miserably.

Yesterday was fun, I didn’t actually see a single fireworks even though I bought some and we went to Tir’s house to see the big city’s display. I just, between the baby fussing at the point where the first display started and the heat and exhaustion of the socks on the second one I wasn’t up for it. Hunter I am told had a blast and the boys (Gabe excluded) all enjoyed themselves. I think about though on some of the things I said while I was there and I am regretful. I tend to get into a public situation and let my bravado speak for me. I need to work on that. I know I come off very..dominat and intense. I can be like that..I can think like that but I don’t really mean it. I just want to be the funniest, to shine.  I need to step back though, and realize that I don’t have to say every thing that jumps to my head.

I don’t have to be the biggest ball busting bitch there. I really don’t. Because then? people -think- I’m a big ball buster. It’s amazing how that works out and then my feelings get squished and I am helpless to do anything it feels like. I need to stop and think and not let my mouth run.

In other news? I got a bath seat for the baby and tonight the boys both took a bath together for the first time. I can not express how beautiful the moment was for me. Hunter was teaching him to splash (yay) and they were both laughing and squealing and it was everything I ever wanted in becoming a mother.  I am so glad that they connect like they do and hope that it only gets better and better.

Lets make this post even -more- disjointed and of kilter, Tomorrow is my first day of Mommy and Baby swim class and Hunter’s second round through the first level swim classes. I am looking forward to this and trying to figure out how I can manage it all in the same breath. It should be fairly fun though and I am hoping that Gabe doesn’t loose his little -mind- and squall like an angry howler monkey when we get in. He is..not a fan of cold water.

I think though, that this is a fairly decent entry and at least it is up and running right? Right. Ok here’s a blast from the past. I can’t believe he was this small only six months or so ago. It is amazing how they can grow.

Gabe December 08 first weeks alive.

Gabe December '08 first weeks alive.

Oh say can you see

July 4, 2009

Yes I didn’t blog yesterday. It was my birthday, I wanted to go do something else -not- blogging.

However, I am back and blogging again. And I am offically 31 years old. Yay. Go me.

Yesterday was good though, I got my hair cut and colored, went to lunch and got myself a nice cake and then came home and hung out and relaxed. Nothing big, but as I told the little girl behind the counter at the cake place ‘When you get this old, all you want is a nap’. I am pleased with my hair and the cake was delicious. I could have had a better lunch but when you’re running about with two kids you take what resturants you can get right?

That being said it is the fourth and I will be going to Tir’s house to partake of festivities, along with Lissa and the boys. Loren will be working so that will be sad but we will have a good time. I am going to make my greek pasta salad I believe, and there will be fireworks big and small and kids running and screaming. I will take pictures I promise.

In yarn news, and there is always yarn news, I gave up on those peacock socks. They are horrid. I can’t  do it any longer, the weird tiger stripe of teal and royal blue and purple..was just too much I couldn’t take it. I got halfway up the foot and was just..done. I ripped it apart and then wound it up and shoved it back into the stash. Even if I have found a pattern for a shawl I love and will use with it (since it sort of looks like feathers and is made for the yarn itself) I am disgusted with the yarn and not willing to play. So I tossed it to the back to come back out in a little while when I’m not mad at it any more. I then pulled out another colorway of it which gave me flack while winding it up and put itself on my bad list. Then I grabbed some mountain color’s bear foot and yanked that on and wound -that- up. But casting it on was frustrating the hell out of me and so it was then that the skys parted and the beauty of  Socks that Rock came into my house.

I pulled out some of the yarn I had bought for the beach ‘Sun kissed Sand’ and voila, all the problems I had been having? gone. Wound it up effortlessly, cast it on with only a little trouble figuring out two circulars and…ahhh..beautiful.

My Outerbanks Socks 09

My 'Outerbanks Socks '09'

I love. LOVE love love love this yarn. Love it. ABSOLUTELY love it. It’s thick, it’s squishy, it’s soft and makes a beautiful fabric. I love it. LOVE IT. I am so glad I got this. So far it reminds me of the beach in the mornings, the dark eddy’s in the sand after the tide when it is cool  still and everything feels as if no one has ever been on the beach before. It is perfect and I know that in the winter when I pull them on they will remind me of the beach this year, and years past and I am so glad I got this yarn. Gorgeous.

I also got some of the yarn to do in grateful dead socks, which appeals tome more than I possibly can say for a lot more reasons than I possibly can say. I am the child of people from the sixties. My father used to listen to the grateful dead, my mother not so much, but I do adore their music and it is a beautiful colorway. I will also use the thraven on a shawl. So far I think Blue Moons is my favorite yarn company at the moment.

Ah well I want to get to cleaning up my house and getting ready for today. So I better get going.

However? I know that all of you aren’t here solely for the yarn talk which is generally what this blog has been about lately (and I am sorry for that even though I am entirely enjoying the process of knitting and creating) so I will leave you with something to make you smile.

Hi. Baby butt. Also? This kid is totally gonna kill me.

Hi. Baby butt. Also? This kid is totally gonna kill me.