Inconsistancies

Soooo after all the ranting and raving and hating life and all that it was concerning the whole English homework…? My English teacher didn’t even show up for class last night. Oh yeah, can you hear me growling? I know there’s nothing I can do about it and yeah it was nice to not have to go to class and be able to sit outside and shoot the breeze with my fellow class mates on a wide range of topics…BUT.

This is where I am irritated. He didn’t show up because his other job ran over. I know this because he said it might happen. However! We do not get any breaks for -our- jobs running over whatever they may be. We loose 15 points on any assignment turned in late (per day it is late btw) no matter what the reason. Why is it ok for him to blow us off for his other commitments  but we can’t return the favor? We’re paying him, this is his job as well and he is telling us that we’re not important.

Yes I realize how bitter I sound. I’m still grinding my teeth over the ‘get recent magazines and compare ads’ bit. Maybe after I calm down I’ll not want to slap him near as much and I won’t look a free period in the mouth anymore.

History class last night was a review for the test on thursday that let out early and the whole of the night was basically a ‘You didn’t even have to bother coming up here you know?’ kinda thing. Whatever, at least I got out of the house and accomplished something.

Then I got to get even -more- upset at the stupid conflict with friends in my life by sheer inconsiderateness on the part of  people who should -really- know better. Had dinner, came home, watched American Idol and went to bed. Yeah I’m the excitement aren’t I?

Today is going to be finishing up studying for History and picking up and cleaning around here with a jaunt off to the yarn store for a little teeny tiny bit of retail therapy because I’m feeling like there’s not enough sock yarn and I’ve had a rough week.

Then I have to begin the endless re-writes on the English Essay about Pit Bulls which I’m not that passionate about but passionate enough about that I’m doing it. Right what else? Oh the TT stuff. Well right now he’s watching “Elmo Street” and being entertained, but recently I’ve been running into the problem of him wanting attention when I’m studying.

I feel horribly guilty that since Friday, I’ve been shoving him off on tv or outside or toys every time he’s come up for more than a quick cuddle and some talk and maybe a little bit of coloring. He’s gotten more and more clingy as the week has progressed and I know it’s because I keep turning on a Scooby Doo Episode or sending him out to play rather than playing -with- him. The problem is, I have to do this homework, I want to show him that hard work and effort make for good grades which make for an easier life. I also don’t want him to think that I prefer doing this to spending time with him.

I know that he’s young and he doesn’t understand or necessarily blame me for my lack of attention  but I’m struggling to find a balance between the all Mommy all the time days when I don’t have studying to do and the No Mommy none of the time parenting I do when I do have studying. This is an issue that isn’t going to get better, only worse as I take on more and more classes and further my education career. I’m hoping to solve this with a combination of getting him into some sort of pre-kindergarten setting and balancing out my duties but for right now it’s a real concern for me.

It’s hard to be working this hard to make his future easier and better, but having him suffer for it now along with me. I am so proud of myself for going back to school, working hard and getting good grades..but I feel so guilty because I shove my kid aside to accomplish those things.

Being a mom sucks sometimes.

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2 Comments »

  1. 1
    Miss Fayne Says:

    You pay these people to show up for class and to teach you. In fact the sum of money paid is almost excrutiating. It’s completely unexcusable for your teacher not to show up for class. If that happens, I’d demand that day be compensated in cash, or credit toward your grade or something.

    Crazy.

    Love you.

  2. 2
    Miss Fayne Says:

    Hey, look at this…

    It’s somewhat amusing…

    http://pysih.com/


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