Archive for March 2008

Right

March 28, 2008

So, you ever wake up, look around your house and realize you’re only one level of filth away from pig pen? Yeah that was me this morning, trudging out of bed making my way to the computer and thinking about what I wanted to write I realized as I turned my head that my living room looked like ass.

Not your regular ass either, but crazy scary ass with bags everywhere. So I hauled my butt up and began to clean. Now I’ve picked up the livingroom, bathroom, and Hunter’s room. I need to vacuum but I can face waiting to do that until after I’ve blogged.

Now if I can get Rose off of my lap we’ll be all good.

I love cats, well I love most of my cats..Jareth works on the nerves occasionally and his new habit of bringing in live Lizards and letting them loose in my house is completely horrifying. I only say that because sometime after he brings in the lizard he or Rose kills it and leaves it at the foot of my bed as some sort of love offering. Believe me, potentially squishing  a dead lizard with my foot at six in the morning when I wander off to go pee is -not- how you want to start your day.

Right, so back to the love. I love my cats of course, but ever since I lost Faile I’ve been reserved from them. Cuddles and pets and snuggles but I can take it or leave it. However, Rose has decided that way of being is completely over. She has chosen me. Forget the fact that it was Loren who campaigned for her, forget the fact that he’s the one who vies for her attention. I’m her human.  It’s me that she sleeps on, it’s me that she follows around. She decides how much I can study, how much I can be on the internet and I am -never- allowed in the bathroom alone. I keep trying to tell her that she’s working on a closed heart that has been filled by a sassy tortishell, but she just flicks her tail, headbutts my chin and demands more petting.

Silly cats.

So class has been good this week, boring because it’s basically my English teacher meandering about trying to teach and failing miserably, and my history teacher desperately trying to catch us up for tests. I’ve got a bit of work to do in English and of course ontop of having to revise an essay and write another one he gave us homework because….he’s a jerk.

Beyond that it’s been quiet and all of that, I planned on doing a pot roast on wensday but managed to spend too long at the yarn store with MEB and had to freeze it..I’ll see Loren’s schedule and figure out when to do it next week. Really I have nothing else to say right now which is probably why I haven’t blogged in a few days.

I’m going to go make an egg salad sandwhich and figure out how to get to Miss Fayne’s sometime this weekend to check on the sock progress.

Do I have to go to school?

March 25, 2008

So I managed to do the re-write on the second essay and teach myself MLA style as I did it because…god forbid my english teacher teaches me something that might be useful down the road.

I also managed to get three quarters of the way through a learning log, and now I’m futzing with the rest of it plus the four others behind it that need to be done ontop of the dang essay in question. I’m not bitter I’m just highly irritated.

And I’m hungry. I think I shall make myself a bagel, procure some caffeine and sit down and write until the bs starts making sense.

I got some new music yesterday, some stuff that interested me and I hoped would make good study stuff. Basically I took a leaf out of Lissa’s book and got some chicks that I thought I might enjoy. So far I’m really enjoying Sara Bareilles, I also got Emmy Rossum (I am not so sure about her but hey I’ll give it a try.) and Ana Nalick. So I’ve covered pop girls fairly well. I got some Jack Johnson and John Mayer as well as Portishead, Poe, Heart and Amy Winehouse. I’m fairly strange I know.

I’ve been asked to make some more of my Mix CD’s and I’m fairly excited, it’s nice to be thought of as someone who puts together some good music. I’ve got all of the cd’s Loren has and all the music I have and I should be able to make some interesting stuff once I get a chance.

Which I’m not going to get a chance if I don’t start working on finishing that english stuff. Grump. So the plan for today should be just going on to school, maybe MEB’s tonight and then home. Loren has tomorrow off so I’m hoping to shove the kid off onto him and get some alone time some how.

I’m starting to feel twitchy and my patience is wearing thin I fear. Time to get out and re-charge the batteries.

Right first, stupid Learning Logs.

Hoppy Easter Everyone!

March 24, 2008

So yesterday I got up obscenely early for us, and hid eggs all around the house for TT and waited for everyone to get up.

I managed to call all of my family to wish them a Happy Easter before they got up, and got to watch TT loose his little mind over the search and the basket. I made the mistake of buying him some bath toys for his basket and then was informed very sternly that we were having a bath..right now.

After his bath, we got all the fixings for breakfast and made our way over to Miss Fayne’s for the day. It’s a long standing tradition that we make huge southern breakfasts on holidays and we have missed a few this past year, so it was great to do it once more. Bacon, Sausage, Biscuits, Eggs, Pancakes, Fried Potatoes, it was a heart attack on a plate. Delicious though, and one of those things you only do once every few months.

After that, we threw the kids outside to play, and hung out and talked. I wound up the ruby slippers yarn for Fayne and began her socks while we talked and stuff. It was really nice, we rounded it out with some bbq and then we came home and crashed early.

It was a nice quiet day. I meant to do some Lamb for dinner over here, unfortunately I didn’t find any in the store, so I got a pot roast. I will do that one on Wensday now  along with the asparagus and fixings I got to go along with it. I however, have already gotten into the strawberry cake I got to go along with the dinner and I regret nothing.

Tonight though, Loren closes so I’m either eating over at MEB’s house with the boys and the gaming night, or I’m having my simple go to meal of Cheese tortellinis  italian sausage and tomato basil classico. It’s simple easy and tast, some of the most important  things about a meal to me.

Right now , I’m waiting for Loren to finish the  dishes so I can take the eggs from yesterday and make egg salad for sandwhiches. I fear that it will be the old staple of egg salad, mushy and tasty on white bread. I’m adventurous but not that much and besides Loren and Ninja like that..Fayne does as well but she’s on a new strict regime and will not be taking part of my fatty eggy goodness.

After I make the egg salad, I’ll be trying to figure out how to do MLA documentation on my old paper, and then starting the new paper and remembering that I go to class tomorrow. And trying not to cry about that. It will be hard but I am making the effort.

Have a nice day everyone, I hope your easter was lovely.

Overload

March 23, 2008

So it’s late writing today, and yesterday I didn’t even manage to write at all.

Bad Blogger, no biscuit.

I am totally blaming this on the level of exhaustion that I’m existing in though. Yesterday morning I mis-read an e-mail and went to pick up Miss Fayne at the airport at 5:30 am. Too bad she wasn’t arriving until -this- morning at 5:30 which meant I drug Ninja up to the airport yesterday for nothing, and then drug poor Loren up to the airport this morning as well. I am such a douche.

So after I drug my butt up out of bed yesterday, I finally got Lissa her birthday present by taking her out to sushi. We found a new restaurant in  Arlington because Nagoya was moving or something. It was fairly good but we managed to -way- over order. They actually brought us our sushi in a boat. That’s a lot of sushi people. But it was good, the tuna was delicious, our only complaints were that the dumplings were cold, and the sushi was a bit warm. Beyond that? great fish.

Then thanks to an unexpected windfall from Grandma, we stopped by the yarn store and I scored two things of Jitterbug (for hats for me) one of which was Lissa’s favorite color-way, something she totally raked me over the coals for. However, I am not responsible for my blue yarn obsession when her and MEB continually fob it off on me. I also picked up a skien of Mountain Colors to make a hat for Loren out of. It’s not my favorite color or my first choice but he fell in love with it so I figured that it’s time I show my forgiveness in the only way a knitter can. I accept the brown yarn and make him a hat.

After that, we went and had some lovely dessert at a french bakery that I haven’t tried before but wanted to. Then we dropped off Lissa and decided to take TT to a new playground that we found near his old store. It was a fairly great playground, massive and well built. However, it ended up badly.

Poor Hunter wanted to play with all the kids but there was a odd combination of kids too small for him to play with and too big to want to play with him. After the first wave of them left one of which who was rude and obnoxious, there was two little boys who showed up. They were probably six or eight years old, maybe even twins. Hunter latched onto them instantly and they totally ignored him.

It bothered me but there wasn’t much I could do about it, I can’t force older kids to play with a three year old. However it broke my heart into pieces as he chased them around, following them like a little puppy dog while they ditched him at every opportunity and visibly mocked him and tried to get rid of him. The moment though that I was ready to leap up and rip out someone’s throat with my teeth was when he proudly told them that he got  to come to the play ground because he went pee-pee in the potty.  They laughed at him, not a funny good natured laugh but a mocking mean one.

I can not now, nor ever accurately describe what it felt like to see my son in that situation. Every instinct in my body was to run up and slap those little kids in the face and wrap up my son and tell them that they were stupid jerks who meant nothing.

They ditched him again and this time I intervened, pulling him over and trying to redirect him to the younger children. He didn’t understand and protested loudly about not being able to play with the boys. I kept trying to tell him that they were playing games he couldn’t play, like getting too close to the road and throwing rocks. He kept arguing his case and finally frustrated, upset, heartbroke and sad I spat out ‘They are mean boys TT we don’t play with mean people.’

My son then reduced me to tears when he looked at me and said ‘The boys are not mean Mommy, they’re just Grumpy’.  He forgave them everything without hesitation, and I could not find the words to explain to him why he should avoid them.

I finally got him redirected to a little girl who looked close to his age, but she and her parents both avoided us no matter what overture that he and I made. I tried to talk to her mother, I was brushed off, he tried to talk to her and her parents kept calling her away. I guess my weird hair and his mohawk threw them off. All I know is that I  was frustrated, hurt, angry, and so sad for my little man. All he wanted to do was play with someone and everywhere he turned he was shot down.

I know that no matter what I do I can not save him from the heartbreak and meanness of other people. I know that he will have his feelings hurt, his heart stomped on and he will feel lonely and like an outcast. I will say right now though, there is nothing that I would not do to prevent any of that. I would cut out my own heart and take every slight and attack for him if I could. Watching the scene unfold last night, I would have sold my soul to make those kids be nice to him. I felt uncivilized and wild, I wanted to inflict as much harm on them as I could.

We finally left after we were snubbed by the mother and daughter and bribed TT out of the park with promises of McDonalds and going to MEB’s to play with her son. He was tired and strung out anyways, and I probably should have just taken him home but I was so desperate to have him play with someone who wasn’t a complete jerk to him that I took him over. He of course was whiny and temper-tantrumy  so the night wasn’t productive but at least he got to play with someone.

We came home around ten, I tossed him into bed and then I got up with Loren this morning and went and got Miss Fayne.

I still feel bruised and sad over yesterday, even if TT doesn’t seem affected today and probably doesn’t even remember it. I know though, that next time we go to that park we’ll be taking friends with us, so that TT and everyone will have a chance to play.

Tomorrow is Easter, we’ll be waking up early to put out the eggs for hiding, tonight we’ll assemble the basket. I’m going to focus on the warmth of the experience, the memory that  I will be building with him as a family. We’ll build other memories, good ones to help keep him afloat when bad things happen. John Douglas wrote that the best way of keeping your child safe and secure in most situations is to let them know every day that they are loved and that you are proud of them. I think about that every time we put a sticker up on his potty board, or every time he does something amazing and the whole of our circle praises him.

I want him to know without a doubt, that he is loved, he is special and he has people who care about him always.

Alright off to do errands.

I still suck at this title thing

March 20, 2008

I’m not sure which is worse, the kiddo refusing to eat because I put milk on his cereal (heaven forbid) or Rose clawing up my chest and neck in her vulgar display of luvre as she sits in my lap.

Good morning people, welcome to the -real- glamorous life. Right now I’m listening to Sesame Street, and arguing with Hunter who is totally against milk on his cereal and refusing to eat it. However, I put my foot down and now he is eating them.

Yesterday was a long potty training day..Two pairs  of pants and underwear and my temper severely frayed when he started -playing- in the puddle of urine he made in the kitchen. He laughed and told me ‘Mommy I pee-pee’d in my pants!’ while slipping and sliding his feet in the puddle under him. I have no idea what to do about this. Most kids are against getting pee on them..mine plays in his.

We had a lot of successful potty experiences though! I had to ask him to go every hour on the hour and reward him shamelessly for those successes but I thought that we were over the isn’t it funny I peed on myself part. I’m a little bit frustrated if you can’t tell. We will continue trying though because I really want him to get over this in time to go to school.

Beyond that, there’s not much to talk about. Still working on the Kaffe Socks, they are going somewhat well if not a bit slowly. Miss Fayne et all will come back tomorrow morning at the butt crack of dawn and I have to go pick her up. Thats about it. I’m not sure what we’ll be doing today but I’m fairly sure it will be involving taking TT somewhere to go play. I think he needs to get out of the house and do something. Maybe it’s just me that needs to get out of the house and do something.

I think tomorrow is lunch with Lissa for her birthday and then I’ll nip over to the yarn store to pick up some coral sock yarn for my step mom. This is of course because I have a store credit burning a hole in my pocket and we all know that won’t last.  I also want to find a yarn to make this which I got off of Enchanting Juno and found to be very charming.  I’m also thinking of taking out the soul sucking shawl and starting to do something like this  I really want to do this one but I figure I should start simple first right?

Right well I’m off to go look through some other patterns for things that amuse me and hopefully today will be bright and sunny without any urine playing.